Parenting the Lazy Mom Way: Teach Them You're a Team

Last Friday on my Lazy Mom Radio Show I got to talking about a subject I'm very passionate about.  Family.

Yes, as a Lazy Mom I am very passionate about family.  Mostly my family, but I'm also passionate about yours.

In my little Lazy Mom book I believe that one of the most important things you can teach your children is that your family is a team.  I would almost say, that if you teach them nothing else, at least teach them this!

Your family is a team.

What does that mean?

You're all on the same side!!

It saddens me how much unhealthy competition I see among family members.  Spouses compete against each other, children compete against each other, fathers and sons compete against each other, on and on I could go.  They may not even be aware that they are doing it, but they are!

STOP THE MADNESS!

Your family is a team!  You shouldn't be competing against each other, you should be working together!

A family with a team mentality teaches their children...

• When one of us is hurting, we're all hurting.
• When one of us is rejoicing, we're all rejoicing!
• If one of us wins, we all win!

Since my children were babies we have taught our children that we are a family, a team, all on the same side.

I would ask them (and still do to this day) "What are we??"

"A family!" I taught them to reply.

"That's right. We love each other, we support each other, we stick up for one another."

I would venture to say there is no better parenting tool than teaching your children that your family is a team.

It even works on breaking up toddler fights to big kid fights to teen fights to adult fights!

When two of my kids are arguing I say to them, "Wait just a minute! What are we?!" And they know by now to reply, "A family."

Then I launch into my family speech... "That's right. We are a family. We are on the same side. We are a team. We share with each other. We help each other. We stand up for each other. When something good happens to one of us, we are all happy because we're a family...."

And the beauty of this little lecture is that it really and truly solves just about any dispute that arises:

Not sharing? "We're a family... we share!"

Hitting each other? "We're a family... we love each other!"

Someone's pouting because they didn't win the board game? "We're a family... if something good happens to one of us we're all happy!"

Someone needs help and no one will help them? "We're a family... we help each other!"

See? It's amazing! And something I feel very passionate about.  Families are teams.

Here's a quick test to see if your family is working as a team or is competing against each other (you could even ask these questions to your kids to see where you stand)...

• When someone else in the family is hurting over something or gets in trouble, do you sometimes feel a little happy?
• Do you feel jealous when something good happens to another family member?
• When someone in your family gets picked on, does it make you mad?
• If a family member gets left out, does it make your heart sad? 

Asking your children (and maybe even yourself) these questions, and answering them honestly, will give you a good indicator of whether or not your family has a competition mentality or a team mentality. Maybe you need to insert names into those questions to get real answers.

A family with a team mentality will answer those questions with, "no, no, yes, yes!"
A family that's a work in progress will answer some of those questions with "sometimes!"
A family that has a competition mentality will answer these questions with, "yes, yes, no, no."

As my children have gotten out of the preschool stage and into the elementary years I feel that all those years of reinforcing to them that we are a family (a team) has laid a great foundation for them.  I don't have to launch into my "family speech" too often now because they know that when I say, "What are we?" the answer is much more than just "a family."  It's everything I've taught them about how we're a team.

What are some things you do to teach your family you're a team? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below.

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Posted in: Parenting the Lazy Mom Way