My Dear Lazy Moms,
I’m writing to tell you that I have two preteen boys that have a horrible disease. The side affects of this disease can be extremely gross and embarrassingly debilitating. Reactions to an onslaught of this disease can be seen around most dinner tables around the world. Namely, dropped jaws and staring.
So I’m reaching out to all of you in case you have boys with this same horrid problem. In the hopes that we can face this thing head on like the champs we all are.
Have you heard of it?
I noticed my boys had this disease when they started wolfing down their food several years ago. Hence the disease name: wolfsdownserfood.
Just tonight it struck them again. We were sitting at a restaurant minding our own business when out of nowhere BAM! It kicked in.
Snarling, chomping and drooling they ransacked their first burger in their 2 mini burger kids meal within three huge bites.
I reacted as I always do.
“Stop eating so fast!”
“Your tummy doesn’t taste it, your mouth does!”
But alas, they plowed on, this time into the french fries.
Then suddenly an idea sparked!I’ll call it… a stroke of lazy mom genius, if you will. I decided to use that God-given competitiveness in two sibling boys to my advantage.
“Okay, boys. On your next mini burger, let’s see who can make their burger last the LONGEST. Taking as small of bites as you possibly can!”
Then Lazy Dad piped up, “You have to include a piece of meat in each bite in order for it to count.”
Before we knew it, their wolfsdownserfood ceased as their eyes inflamed with that other sometimes debilitating disease, gottabeatmahbrotha, kicked in.
80+ bites later we declared a winner!
And it wasn’t them… it was ME!
Thank you! Thankyouverymuch!
Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, here are the knuckleheads who have to cope with having this horrible disease on a daily basis.
And yes, that was the best picture I could get of them.
Here were my other choices (in no particular order):
What? Your boys don’t do that in restaurants? I DON’T THINK SO!
We’re All In This Together.
The Lazy Mom
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