1. After driving to Texas, driving around Texas, and driving back to Ohio from Texas, (putting over 3500 miles on Lazy Dad’s car) I have made a mental note to check on the progress of teleporting.
Surely Scotty doesn’t just beam people up still. He’s had to progress to locational beamings by now.
Someone check in to that for me. I’m too tired from driving.
2. For those of you in Texas who ask me why I don’t come home more, please refer to number 1. Especially that 3500 number.
3. If your wondering why the kids and I didn’t just fly to Texas for three weeks, please look into the current prices of airline tickets and multiply that times four, mkay?
4. If you would like to sponsor us on another fun trip to Texas (or wherever your heart so desires for that matter) please look into the price of airline tickets, multiply that by five (Lazy Dad needs to come watch his kids) and then send a check care of The Lazy Mom ASAP.
Or before you change your mind.
5. While staying in a hotel in Sikeston Missouri on our way home, I was so desperate for sleep (did I mention I was SICK while I was driving home?) that I told my kids at 7:30 it was really 8:30 and time for bed.
I was able to do this due to the fact that I unplugged the hotel room’s alarm clock so I could plug in my phone.
Then when they all complained that they couldn’t fall asleep (you know, cause they had slept in the car all day) I may or may not have said to them, “the first one to fall asleep gets a dollar.”
Unfortunately, this only proved to work on my daughter (who wasn’t the one I was needing that to work on) and did not work on my two wrestling boys (who I needed it to work on).
Desperate times called for desperate mommy measures… so I started taking away dollars from them that they would have to pay me back.
I’m happy to report that this DID work. And that I am now two dollars richer.
6. On the first leg of our 20 hour drive home, my 9 year old son took his shoes off in the back seat. I know this because the smell that broke forth into the car made my eyes water. Then temporary blindness set in. Then the fumes escaped out the rolled down windows and Arkansas declared a state of emergency.
MUST CHECK IN TO PROGRESS OF TELEPORTING!
7. My sweet sister-in-law made the kids and I cookies and homemade caramel covered popcorn for our long drive home.
Hmmm… I’ll have to mark “no road trip munchies lovingly made by my sister-in-law” in the cons column of teleporting.
8. My 11 year old son got to sit up front on this trip. (We needed the space in the back seat.) This “up front” promotion soon led to another promotion… “driver’s assistant.”
If you don’t know what a driver’s assistant is, they do such notable things as sending dictated text messages, updating facebook statuses, handing the driver chapstick, and switching out CD’s. Among many other things that the driver may command of them at any time night or day.
Believe it or not, he loved being a driver’s assistant, and as a total side bonus, learned a lot about driving from his “up front” view of everything.
He also took it upon himself to start randomly mass-texting people yesterday to tell them our progress of making it home. Which prompted this Facebook status update that I dictated to him:
If you have received any random text messages from me in the last three weeks, please disregard. It was from my son. Unless the text message asked for Christmas gifts, cash, or round-trip tickets to Hawaii. Then do not disregard. Thanks.
9. I still have many Texas stories to tell you about!
If you are on the edge of your seat in anticipation of hearing and seeing more Texas fun, then stick around partners!
If you are tired of hearing about Texas, then I’ve got two six-shooters I’d like to introduce you to. They’re called: TOO. BAD.
*rides off in the sunset firing six-shooters in the air*
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