So yesterday the Lazy Dad texted me and asked me if I wanted to grab some lunch with him.
I texted him back, “Who is this? Stop asking me out! My husband will hunt you down and hurt you.”
He didn’t respond.
He probably thought I had officially lost it.
So I texted him back after a little while and said, “Okay. I’ll go.”
So we went.
Isn’t that a great story? But wait. It gets better.
When we were seated at the restaurant he says to me, “Hey. You didn’t get your toothbrush out of the trash can this morning did you?”
Making a really weird face I said a very eloquent, “Huh?”
“Did you get your toothbrush out of the trash can this morning?”
“Good, don’t use it.”
“Um, why would I get my toothbrush out of the trash can? Did it fall in there?”
“Oh it fell, but not in the trashcan.”
Making another face I said, “It fell in the toilet didn’t it?”
Another face, “And there was pee in the toilet wasn’t there?”
About to gag, “And you fished it out and threw it away? With what?? Those fingers your about to eat with?!” A face of horror.
“Yes. But I washed them and Prefensed.”
“Ewwww! See this is why I make the kids put the lid down on the toilet before they brush their teeth.” Now my scolding face, because this isn’t the first toothbrush we’ve lost to the too-close-to-the-sink-toilet.
“But wait. Why on earth would you think I would have fished my toothbrush out of the trash can and brushed my teeth with it???“
He just laughs.
But seriously. What person goes, “Oh, there’s my toothbrush in the trash can. I think I’ll dig it out of there and get these teeth pearly white with it by golly!”
I mean, maybe, MAYBE if it landed on a clean piece of tissue at the tip top of the trash can??? Nah. Maybe not.
But here’s the other thing. I was in such a hurry to shower and get dressed that I totally forgot to even brush my teeth before I rushed out of the house to meet him for lunch at the last minute. Thus, my ignorance over the AWOL toothbrush.
So he’s totally gross for thinking I would use a toothbrush found in the trash can. And I’m totally gross for forgetting to brush my teeth before leaving the house.
So we’ll just live together in our grossness.
Have you done this lately?