Yesterday after church a bunch of us church peeps headed out to one of our church peeps’ house to help them do some lawn work.
You know, cause we’re awesome like that?
While doing lawn work I stumbled upon some sure fire ways to look like you’re working while you’re really NOT working.
You know, cause I’m lazy like that?
So, for your reading pleasure, here are my top 10 ways of how not to work while you’re working.
- Stall. For as long as you can. Like when our hostess said she needed help with something on her computer “before you get to work.” *insert golden stalling moment here*
- Seize opportunities to stall. Like when I realized our hostess was talking to someone right next to me when she asked for computer help and that person’s mouth was full of food at the time so they couldn’t say “sure,” so I seized the moment and acted like she was talking to me and said “sure, I guess I can help, but then I’m TOTALLY hitting that lawn work.” *Opportunity to stall totally seized*
- When you have stalled all you can and you finally do find yourself having to work, position yourself near someone who really IS working. Then it looks like you’re getting stuff done by default when someone walks by.
- Move stuff back and forth in front of you. Sort of like kids who play with their food to look like their eating it? Yeah, like that.
- Get your clothes dirty. Dirty clothes = I’ve been hard at work.
- Look the part. If you have on work boots, gloves, hold a rake, etc…. then people automatically assume you are working. Note: this is the one time I appreciate assumptions.
- Hide behind big things where people can’t see you not working. Out of sight, out of “hey, she’s not working!” mind.
- Offer to fetch things. This helps you avoid working and yet people still give you credit for working. I highly recommend this “not working” technique. It’s super fly.
- Become aware of an injury or illness. Like when I thought I had gotten into some poison ivy and went inside to wash my scratchy wrists. This gets you back in the house and with any luck out of work all together.
- When people who are still working see you through the window acting fine after your “injury/illness” yell through the window to them, “I’m from the South, not used to hard labor, and am way too dainty to work!” Uh, not that I did that. At all. Not, at all.
And that, my lazy friends, is my top 10 ways of how not to work while working.